It feels like it has been months, but really only 3 weeks.

I am doing better, I still am having a hard time, but there is definitely progress.

I feel like such a downer sometimes, but am so grateful for my life and what I have.

This experience has made me appreciate everything so much more!

I miss my little brother everyday, but am so glad that I believe that I get to see him again and when I do he will get a big kick in the balls,

and then a huge hug!

Its been a week since my brother died.

My family and I have been so busy, planning all that goes into the funeral, all his belongings, etc.  

I haven't really had the time to mourn him. I miss him like crazy and wish I had told him I love him more.

My husband has been so wonderful, I couldn't have asked for better support.

I have had some good times this week too.

I received a BEAUTIFUL arrangement of flowers this week from my Rock Springs friends, it made me feel so loved! I took them everywhere with me,  (I know I'm weird.)

My friends in Utah gave me a surprise paparazzi party, they displayed all my jewelry and invited everyone they knew to come. It was awesome. The day he died was going to be the day of my first party and after that happened I just kind of lost all the excitement over selling it, but that helped restore it a little.

I am getting some help in dealing with all this and I think I will keep getting better and better, I kinda wish it was a year from now so I could look back on all this and not feel so much anxiety and sadness. Time heals everything and I am just going to take it one day at a time.

I am really looking forward to getting home and not being around so many things that remind me of my brother and of course I miss all my girls in the Rock.

Hey baby brother,

I know you are having a big family reunion up there, but I hope that on this day you are here with us and can see all the people that loved you and cared for you.
I am going to miss you everyday! I was not ready to say goodbye to you yet, but I know that you are at peace and that I will see you again.
I remember growing up that you were my best buddy, protecting me from any dangers and playing with me even when it meant you being dresses up as a girl.
I loved you so much then and I love you now.
I remember playing make believe baseball at the park, putting on magic shows for Brittany and Ashley in the backyard, you painting my dolls face brown. I was so mad at you, but couldn't stay mad for long, I never was able to be angry with you.
I remember eating lunch with you on your very first day of junior high, all the road trips we went on as a family, and your excitement at finding another song you liked and having to share it with me. I remember you driving our van into the garage door, and your face when it happened and it was all because you were wearing your stupid Tasmanian devil slippers. I remember you bearing your testimony on trek and being so proud to call you my brother. I remember your face when you got to show us your new baby boy. How proud you were.

I remember so many things, mostly little things, like dinner times, and school days and your cub scout pack meetings. But I mostly remember being with you and knowing that whatever I needed you would be there to help. I always knew that you were always going to be there for me and now that you are no longer on earth I expect you to watch over us from above.

I love you baby brother, till we meet again!

Your big sister.

 These are the thoughts I prepared for the funeral. I almost couldn't finish writing it. I know that there are alot of unanswered questions and suspicions on what happened, but I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends who understand what a hard time this is and don't ask about the details. That they will love me and support me in anything I need.  I just want to thank you so so so much!  You are all helping me get through this and I LOVE YOU! 

So I started selling Paparazzi Jewelry!

(I promise this is the last time I will promote this on my blog)

But I wanted you all to know about it!

I sell $5.00 accessories!

Everything is $5.00, that is why I love this company, its so inexpensive, but of good quality and it helps that EVERYTHING is SUPER cute! 

If you like anything, let me know and I will get it to you.

you can also see more of what I have on my facebook page

www.facebook.com/paparazzibyjess

New outfit for C

 So I have been wanting some ruffle pants for my girls,

I mean they are so stinkin cute, but I was not about to pay $60.00 for an outfit!

I thought maybe I could do it myself.

Now I am NOT a sewer, I can do a hem and sew in a straight line and all, but that is it.

Growing up my sisters and I all got a sewing machine's when we turned 14 (I think)

So I have had this machine for awhile and I am so grateful to have it.

I think they turned out pretty cute and when I make any more I will know what to do better.

I just happened to go through all my clothes to donate this morning and I had this shirt. I like the stripes and has some cute coordinating fabric, so I cut it up and used that for the pants. And I had a little extra fabric and I made a headband too.

Before:

After:



               



This past week Bri and I got away for a  little bit.

We went to Portland to go see our new nephew!

He is freakin adorable and I would have taken him home if his parents would have let me.

I think I may have held him the whole time.

My mother watched our kids, so we could go and I am so grateful!!!(Thanks so much mom!!!)

We had a such a good time. Here are just a few pics of what we did.

We drove to Mt. Helens where they filmed the first twilight.

We thought it would be cool.

This is bella's house

And the bookstore she visited

This is the alley where those guys were following her

And the parking lot where Edward rescued her.

We also drove to Astoria and went inside the film museum.

They had these film sets set up and bri got into it.

And then we visited the column, it was like 200 stairs up, but very cool. My calves are still sore!

The view from the top

This is the goonies house! Bri was super excited!

And or SUPER cute nephew!!

and I had a little fun with this picture.

It was very relaxing and so great to see our brother and sister and their new baby.

We love you guys and will come see you again!

The twins had their second 1st day of preschool!

They left the car and ran in, not even a look back, like they had done it a million times.

It wasn't as emotional for me as last year, but knowing that next year they will be in kindergarten blows me away, that my babies are getting so big. And that next year I will be one of those moms, tearing up after I drop them off.

and of course Chloe wanted in on the action.



I have been so lacking in posting.

Oh well better late then never.

This has been one of the best summers!

We have played with friends almost everyday, gone to see grandparents in Utah, went to Bear Lake, had some family reunions, barbeque's, and LOTS of fun!

I wish I had taken more pictures.

These are just a couple of what I have taken.

I should be unpacking, but instead.....

We headed to some family reunions this week.

First we went camping in Weber canyon for the Beecher reunion and then headed to

Star Valley Wyoming for my Fletcher reunion.

We had so much fun at both and we were able to visit Jackson while we were gone.

I have a TON of pics I need to post but it will be one day at a time.

Us in the car, we did ALOT of driving.

Yes we are those people who stop...

 We took our girls on the alpine slide. They LOVED it!

And spent some time in downtown Jackson



Our computer is working again! YAY!!

We have had ALOT going on,

girls camp, friends visiting, bear lake,

and just having fun in the warm weather.

I have a TON to update on, but first I wanted to share just some of our family pictures we just got done.

I LOVE them! Kara's sister came up to Rock Springs to take them and she was awesome!!!

 (You can tell her that too Kara!! hahaha)

I have already ordered a canvas of one of them.

Sorry Brittany!

My sister is going to KILL me for posting these,

she made me promise to delete them,

but I HAD to share!

They are hilarious and I wanted to always remember them.

We had a little fun with a camera one night staying up way to late and getting hyper.

I laughed so hard I cried and almost peed my pants!

ALMOST!!

Our 4th of July

We had a great time!

We went over to our friends the Cochrans and had some great food,

we did some karaoke,

 and of course we had to do

fireworks!!!

Hope you all had a great 4th of July celebration too!